The adoption coordinator smiled and said, “They are never going to be lap cats.”
I smiled and replied, “Oh, I don’t need lap cats. I just need cats in the house.”
At the time, we knew socialization would be a long process, and we were determined to make it a success. What we didn’t realize was that nearly two years later, we’d be measuring success very differently than we ever imagined.
By the third month, it became clear that we needed to redefine what success looked like.
We celebrated little wins every day, but they were easy to overlook because we were focused on the wrong goal. When we finally stepped back, we realized we’d been making steady progress all along—just on Totti and Wallace’s timeline, not ours.
So… what should we have been measuring?
The Quiet Signs of Progress
(Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like It)
Presence & Proximity
- They stay in the same room instead of leaving.
- They choose resting spots where they can watch us.
- They don’t run the moment we walk in.
- They return to the room after we’ve been there for a while.
Awareness Without Panic
- They watch us move around without bolting.
- They make eye contact, even if only briefly.
- We get the occasional slow blink.
- Their ears stay forward or relaxed instead of pinned back.
Comfort in Routine
- They appear at predictable times each day.
- They relax in their favorite spots instead of hiding.
- They groom, stretch, or nap while we’re nearby.
- They eat in our presence. (That one is huge.)
Curiosity Begins
- They watch what we’re doing from across the room.
- They investigate new things with a little more confidence.
- They quietly move a little closer when they think we’re not paying attention.
- They show interest in toys, even from a safe distance.
The Distance Gets Smaller
- Their “safe distance” slowly shrinks.
- They walk past us instead of making a wide detour.
- They tolerate us walking by.
- They stay where they are when we shift in our chair.
Tiny Trust Experiments
- They briefly expose their side or back.
- They settle down with an escape route—but don’t use it.
- They hesitate before running. (This one feels enormous.)
- They choose being visible over hiding.
As we looked over this list, we realized something remarkable.
We could check every single box!
Not overnight. Not in a straight line. But little by little, almost without noticing, we’d reached milestones that once felt impossible.
Reflecting on this list, we’ve come to understand something that has changed the way we see them.
They’re not avoiding us…
They’re learning how little they have to.
And maybe that’s what trust really looks like.
What quiet signs of progress have you celebrated with a fearful or traumatized cat? We’d love to hear your story.
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